Back on the road again
One year and three months later, I am back in the same spot. Here I am again, packing, not knowing what the future will have in stock for me. I really believed I could stay here and call this place home. I tried! Maybe I tried too hard and I got lost in the process.
Maybe I got tangled in all these issues and I panicked when I could not see the way out. Or perhaps I stretched far more than I should, while I was trying to convince myself that this was the place for me. The lack of comfort (that I was used to) and the constant fight against nature were the deal breakers.
Anyway, I guess that I had to live in paradise to understand that it was not a perfect fit for me. Now I know that what I always dreamt of is not what is best for me.
This time, there is a new twist. I can’t explain why it does feel like a big failure. Not because I care about others have to say about me. At least I had the courage to try something new.
Not because I ended up losing quarter of my savings. As a matter of fact, I never cared that much about the money. Money was made to be spent. Pointless saving it for the old age. We might not even live that long.
Today I started to pack my stuff. While I was going through the rooms, I was shocked to see that within one year I collected so many things. I turned into a hoarder without realizing it.
I have to admit that doing this for the tenth time, I experienced some mixed feelings. It felt strange that I was both anxious and sad to leave this place. Excited to get back to “civilization” and sad to leave behind some incredible people that made my transition more pleasant. They helped me feel less lonely.
I have one more week until my flight. I considered changing it for an earlier date, but I didn’t want to pay the airline’s penalties. I called my sister to see if she could pick me up from the airport. She said she couldn’t because she had a Gums treatment Boisbriand.
Did I get annoyed by her answer? Yes, off course I did. But unlike other times, I kept it to myself.
Is that a sign I am more mature? Not sure.